Dear Diary
by Chrislovercharmed
Summary: Piper's thoughts in her diary from the moment she finds out about Chris. Please R&R! PG13 for swearing and possible violence. Am going AU, don't know how much, probably in the 12th entry. Please R & R!
1. Entry 1

Dear Diary,  
  
Ha.  
  
It's funny how I only write in my diary when I have nothing to do and am inspired to do so. But I suppose that what a diary's there for: to take up time. What else could it be for?  
  
Oh yeah.  
  
You're supposed to write about your feelings.  
  
Well, I've got feelings all right. And the main one is confusion. How could I not be when I just found out I'm pregnant with a child who is also currently 22 years old and living in my club?  
  
That's right. Tonight I found out that the secretive, smart-ass whitelighter/futureboy is my son.  
  
And guess who's the father?  
  
Leo.  
  
And this is where a lot of the confusion comes from. I'm not sure if I want to tell him. I mean, when he became an elder, it was so hard for him to leave Wyatt and me. If I tell him about Chris, it'll just be more pressure for him to give up the job he loves and come home. Not that I don't want him to. It just wouldn't be fair.  
  
Phoebe and Paige are knocking on my door again. They say they just want to talk. That they know this is a lot to handle right now, but if I just come out and talk about it, I'll feel better and I can start to get to know my son. Chris. My son. It still sounds so strange, but in a good way. I guess I should get to know him. But I just need a chance to get used to the idea.  
  
Paige and Phoebe are gone. I guess I should get some sleep. 


	2. Entry 2

Dear Diary,  
  
Woke up this morning with a headache. I didn't want to go downstairs, but I knew Phoebe and Paige would probably just make it worse by pounding on my door. Besides, we keep all the aspirin in the kitchen.  
  
Paige and Phoebe were the only ones in the kitchen besides Wyatt. I looked at him playing in his high chair and wondered for the thousandth time how someone so innocent could become the evil tyrant that Chris has described. I suppose I didn't want to believe Chris until I found out he was my son. There's that word again. Son. Sons. I have two now. Or will. Whatever. Anyway, Phoebe and Paige purposefully avoided eye contact. They asked how I was doing. I said fine. Then I grabbed an aspirin and was on my way out when, on an impulse, asked where Chris was. Paige looked surprise and Phoebe fussed with Wyatt. Here's how the conversation went after that.  
  
"Come on guys. He's my son and I want to know if he's ok."  
  
Paige looked kind of embarrassed. "Well, we haven't really seen him since last night."  
  
"What do you mean you haven't seen him? Did he go somewhere? Why didn't you follow him?"  
  
Phoebe stepped in. "Calm down, Piper. I'm sure he's fine. He was just kind of hurt. He thought maybe, well..." She and Paige exchanged looks.  
  
"He thought that you didn't want him."  
  
I said, very quietly, after a minute, "Well, he's wrong."  
  
And I just left. What was I supposed to say to that? I am really surprised that Chris is my son, of course, but who in the world wouldn't be? But I do understand why he would be hurt. After all those things I've said to him in the past few months, I mean jeez, I can't believe he stayed around. Even after I threw him out he came back. At least I know one of my kids is going to be like me: stubborn as hell. And so brave: he's given up so much for his family, even Bianca, his one chance at happiness in his time.  
  
Chris is a good person. I'm glad he's my son.  
  
But what am I going to tell Leo?  
  
Chub: Thanks 4 the review. Hope you enjoy the next entry! 


	3. Entry 3

Dear Diary,  
  
I know, haven't written in a while; been too busy throwing up all the time. Isn't pregnancy a joy?  
  
Anyway, we haven't seen Chris for a month now. I've long since given up calling for him. I was hurt that he was ignoring me, but Paige reminded me that Whitelighters can block out all calls when they want to be alone. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm worried sick about him. He's my son, and I have no idea where he is, other than my stomach, but that's mini him. Right now, I miss Big Chris. I just wish I could talk to him. Oh shit, I gotta get to the bathroom!  
  
Well, that was interesting (and no, I don't mean the puke). As I was puking my guts out, I didn't hear Chris calling me. I was wiping my mouth off when he came in the bathroom and scared the hell out of me.  
  
"Mom, are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just pregnant. Throwing up tends to come with the territory."  
  
"Right, sorry about that."  
  
He helped me to my feet. "Not your fault. So, what made you finally decide to come?"  
  
He smiled, for once, a non-cocky smile and said, "I felt like talking to my mom."  
  
After that, we hung out the rest of the day. We talked, we baked cookies which, apparently we do together a lot in the future, and we rented a movie. I let him pick. Guess what he chose: The Craft. I creamed him with a pillow and said, "Don't you get enough of that crap in real life?" All the while smiling. It was great. I feel like I really got to know my son. I just can't wait to get to know him even more. I can already tell Leo and I do something right with him. He's such a good man. Woah, now that's crazy. My son is an actual man. And he's barely been conceived. Still getting used to it all. But I'm glad I could share this day with my boy. I think we might just get past this and start to act like a family.  
  
Oh god. I still don't know what to tell Leo.  
  
Hey guys. Just realized I forgot to add a disclaimer. So here it goes.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not, nor never will, own Charmed, or the fabulous Drew Fuller. I will go hide in a corner now and repeat that to myself. 


	4. Entry 4

Dear Diary,  
  
Things were starting to get almost back to normal around here.  
  
Almost.  
  
Despite the fact that I'm pregnant with a man I talk to and bake cookies with regularly, and that my sisters and I are the most powerful witches the world has ever seen and are constantly fighting and vanquishing demons, there's a little problem with my son and I. Meaning Chris. Anyway, it's been great having Chris around, he's my son and I'm glad I know him a little better now than in the beginning, but he just seems so distant at times. I ask him what he's thinking about, but he just says nothing and leaves. He seems really, I don't know, he just... seems to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. And it's taking its toll on him. I've noticed he's sleeping less, and eating less too. I try to comfort him but he won't let me. It's as if he doesn't want to get close to me. I'm really worried about him. I told Phoebe and Paige and they said that maybe he needs some time to adjust. He's probably scared for Wyatt and that's why he's always in the attic checking the book and he's always hunting down demons with out telling us. A few days ago, Chris orbed in with a huge gash on his shoulder. I told him I was going to call for Leo and he said, "No, don't bother. It's not like he'll care. He never did." Then he orbed out. I'm starting to think that maybe Leo wasn't the perfect father. Isn't. Whatever. I haven't seen Chris since then. I'm really scared. I don't want to lose him, or what we have. But what can I do when he won't let me help him?  
  
Hey, thanks for all the reviews. Also, just so none of you are confused, Piper is 2 months pregnant in this one. And I know I've been updating daily, but I don't want you to get your hopes up just in case there's a day when I can't. But I will try! 


	5. Entry 5

Dear Diary,  
  
It's been almost a week since that little incident with Chris. He still won't talk to any of us. He hardly comes to the manor anymore except to look in the Book of Shadows or check on me and Wyatt. He thinks I haven't noticed when he comes in at 2 in the morning and watches me sleep for 10 minutes. I thought about surprising him and forcing him to talk to me but Phoebe and Paige advised against it. They said he just needs time and some space. He'll tell us when he's ready. But damn it, I'm sick of waiting. I swear, I'm going to give that kid just a little while longer before I track him down and bring his sorry ass home. I can't believe he's doing this to me. While we're waiting for him here, he could be hurt, even dying, and we won't know it, unless he's miraculously conscious and calls for Paige. Even so, if he's hurt that bad and we call for Leo, what if he can't make it in time? God, I feel like I'm going crazy with worry. I'm going to  
  
Wow. Even after all I've read in pregnancy books, I guess I still had a hard time believing too much stress could make you pass out. Boy, was I wrong. I suppose it was bringing up all those emotions that caused me so much stress and made me faint. I was just lucky Chris orbed in and caught me. Damn, that kid's got good reflexes. Anyway, this is gonna sound weird, but I'm glad I blacked out. Chris kinda found my diary and read some of the stuff in it. I think he felt it was his fault I fainted. So he stayed with me and when I woke up, he said he was sorry. I also notice he looked much worse than before.  
  
"For what, Chris?"  
  
"For making you worry. I didn't realize how much stress I was putting on you."  
  
"It's ok. Just come around here more, ok? Maybe at times when we're all awake?"  
  
He smiled. "Never could sneak into your room without you waking up."  
  
"To tell you the truth, every time you came, I was always awake. I was up worrying about you."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Piper, I really am."  
  
"Piper? What happened to 'Mom'?"  
  
Then he started to look nervous. "I just forgot is all. I was used to calling you Piper."  
  
"Chris, you haven't called me Piper in two months. What's going on with you?"  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't tell you. Look, I'll come around more, I promise, just please don't make me talk about this now. I just can't."  
  
He was getting a little hysteric so I said fine, gave him a hug (he stayed kind of limp), and then he left.  
  
So here I am again confiding in my diary and writing about the events currently upending my life. Maybe we should have given up our powers when the Angel of Destiny offered it to us. Our lives would be much less hectic. Just once, I'd like to have a normal, boring day, and a peaceful, quiet night. According to Phoebe, our lives should be demon-free in a few years. I'm just not sure I can wait that long.  
  
Oh well. Don't have much of a choice in the matter. But for now, I'm making a solemn vow that the next time Chris orbs his butt over here, I'm going to set up the crystals and not let him leave till he eats something, 'cause that kid looked thinner than Paige and that is saying something. 


	6. Entry 6

Dear Diary,  
  
Another month has gone by with no progress with Chris. He's been coming over more so we, or more like I, won't worry about him, but he still calls me Piper, still looks gaunt and pale, and still refuses to talk about what's bothering him. Oh and here's the worst part: every time I go to hug him or even touch him, he flinches and moves away. I try not to let on how much it hurts, but I'm almost at the end of my rope. I keep thinking every time he looks away, every time he moves back, what could I have done that hurt him so much? According to Chris, I was always a great mom. But if that's really true, why is he still avoiding me?  
  
Maybe I should call Leo. He did that wacky healing thing for me when he became an Elder. Maybe he could do something for Chris. But no. I can't do that to him. He's better off where he is. Of course, there's always the truth spell. But there's also the FCF: Future Consequences Factor. And there's the possibility that Chris may divulge something I don't want to hear. No, that's not an option. I couldn't betray Chris like that. I guess it's like Paige and Phoebe said; he'll come out on his own time.  
  
Well, that's not good enough for me. I'm tired of standing by and waiting for him to talk to me. I want some answers, god damn it. It's the least he can do: I'm the one throwing up and getting fatter by the minute. I swear, that son of mine is a Halliwell through and through. He risks his life for the greater good and forgets to take care of himself. I think I'll go bake a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and call Chris; they're his favorite and if I'm lucky, I'll get him to eat a few (the crystal cage plan kinda backfired). But this time, maybe I should cast an anti-orbing spell on the house first. That ought to do the trick.  
  
Hey, I just want to thank all of you who have reviewed so far. It's great to know you're all enjoying it. I will keep going through the rest of the 6 months of pregnancy we missed and maybe go into some of the episodes. I can tell you for sure that I will be adding an entry for the episode Hyde School Reunion in which Piper recruits her father in the quest for answers from Chris. I'm sure you'd all like to know what really was going through Piper's mind when she found out she was going to die. Until Entry 7, folks. Please continue to R&R! 


	7. READ THIS

Hey guys, I know, I suck because you thought this was another entry. Very sorry about that, but I have been updating daily, so don't worry, I won't fail you today. I just need to know a few things. I got a review suggesting I have Leo find out about Chris differently than he did in the show. Now I wasn't planning on going AU at all, but if more of you want a change, I will be happy to make one. It would help if you would review the next entry and put your opinion in. I'll be updating shortly. Thanks! 


	8. Entry 7

Dear Diary,  
  
It's amazing what can happen in just a few days. When I last wrote, I was worried, pissed, and hurt because of Chris. Now I'm just pissed, and it's not Chris' fault.  
  
It's my damn sisters'! Today I was walking into the living room where they were when I suddenly got all dizzy and fell. And you know what those idiots did? THEY CALLED FOR LEO! He came down, dressed in some stupid Elder robe and acted all calm and peaceful until he saw me on the floor. Then he rushed over, really worried, and tried to heal me. I waved him away and said I was fine. We exchanged a few more words before he orbed out saying that "Blessed be" crap. And then I rounded on my sisters.  
  
"What the HELL were you thinking bringing him down here? I've told you I don't want him knowing!"  
  
Phoebe was the brave one. "Piper, you're barely even showing, you're only three months along, and he really didn't seem to noti-"  
  
"That's not the point! I asked you, no, I TOLD you I don't want him coming down here. I was fine, I'm pregnant, it was a friggin' dizzy spell, it's not like it's unnatural! Jeez, didn't you stop and think that MAYBE just seeing us would make him feel guilty all over again? We are the only things holding him back from his dream, and I won't let us ruin it for him!"  
  
I stomped up the stairs not even acknowledging Paige when she called after me. Then I slammed my door. I guess they took that as a hint not to disturb the pregnant lady.  
  
I tried to sleep for a while, but thanks largely to those two, sleep wouldn't come. So here I am writing in my diary at 3 am. I'm still so mad, I just cannot believe they would do that!  
  
But I have to admit, it wasn't terrible seeing Leo. God, I've really missed him. I think Wyatt has too, but his little brother doesn't seem to mind. About that anti-orbing spell plan: it was a great idea, and it worked. Unfortunately, Chris has avoided us since then. Just thinking about it makes me even angrier. I think tomorrow (or should I say today?) I will just stay in my room and show my damn family how much they've pissed me OFF! Even if that damn son of mine finally orbs his whitelighter ass over here, I'm going to stay right where I am. I'm just so sick of these infuriating family members! 


	9. Entry 8

Piper wyatt-halliwell 1973: I'm very sorry about the confusion. I meant I was going to put that in when Piper is about 6 months along, when it actually came out. So terribly sorry you were disappointed, but don't worry! I will write that when the time comes. I just want to fill out the rest of the parts we missed first. Please try to be patient, though, as it may take some time. I don't want to leave out any good opportunities for the missing parts, as that would defeat the purpose of this fic. Again, I apologize for the confusion.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have, as a rule, avoided writing in my diary about demons and vanquishing them in the past, but this particular demon kind of screwed my life for a while there.  
  
It was a Sunday, two weeks after Phoebe and Paige totally pissed me off, they had been forgiven (after I sulked in my room and screamed at them a few more times) and we were sitting in the living room. Or rather I was. They were waiting on me hand and foot. Every time I talked to them it'd be "Fluff your pillows, Piper?" or "Do you need something Piper?" Not that I wasn't enjoying it. They were just becoming a little obsessed. And the fact that Phoebe kept talking in baby voices to my stomach was pretty disturbing, not to mention annoying. So, I finally told them to stop obsessing and sit down. That's when the demon decided to barge in.  
  
"Hey witches. Word in the Underworld is a Charmed One is expecting."  
  
"What's it to you, jackass?"  
  
"Ah, another for the eldest sister. Well, I'll soon remedy that." Then he threw an energy ball at me (should've expected that one). Paige, luckily, orbed it into her hand and sent it back towards the demon. He dodged and shimmered out. That's when I heard a voice inside my head. 'He's not being honest with you.'  
  
"What?" Phoebe and Paige looked at me funny.  
  
"Piper? What's wrong?"  
  
"Shh." I listened but heard nothing right away. What it said next made me freeze. 'He's lying because you did something to make him hate you. He hates you.'  
  
"Piper, honey, are you alright?" I wasn't paying attention. Those words had cut me deeply. They hurt so much because I didn't believe him, but at the same time, I knew there wasn't any evidence that said he was wrong. Chris hates me. What did I do? Maybe I left him. No, I would never leave my children. But maybe I change in the future, and I do something horrible. Maybe I'm the reason Wyatt turns evil.  
  
Paige and Phoebe shook me to bring me back to reality.  
  
"Piper, it's me, Phoebe. What's wrong?" That's when I couldn't stand it anymore. I just broke down and started crying. "What happened Piper?"  
  
"My son hates me."  
  
"Piper, Chris loves you. You're his mother and, from what I've heard from him, you're a damn good one." It made some sense at least. He has told me he loves me before.  
  
"Yes, you're probably right, Paige. I don't know why I believed what that demon said." Phoebe raised an eyebrow. "I'll tell you later."  
  
"Isn't it expected? When you're pregnant it's kind of like you're on an emotional roller coaster."  
  
"Yeah, like when I was pissed at you and Paige for being complete idiots?"  
"Ok, I think it's safe to say she's alright now." Paige agreed.  
  
A while after that, we brewed a potion and copied a summoning spell from the BOS. Turns out we were trying to summon the Demon of Thought. He went into people's heads and planted thoughts that would make the person feel a certain negative emotion such as sadness or guilt. He fed off those emotions. Usually, the person would end up insane, in prison, or in a casket. Lucky he chose a pretty stupid thought for me. He must've been pretty desperate.  
  
So, we recited the spell:  
  
Feeder of sadness, anger, and hate  
  
Come to sisters three  
  
So that your evil we might abate  
  
And the demon showed up.  
  
"Well, I guess this proves the almighty Charmed Ones are not as intelligent as they seem. Now, let's see what happens when you conjure a demon with no defense other than your powers which, by the way, are useless against me." But before he could move, the Halliwell genes kicked in.  
  
"And I guess this proves that demons really are dumber than they look." I threw the potion at him and smirked as he looked at me in horror while burning in flames.  
  
"Nice one, sis." Paige smiled at me. Then, we hit the sack after that long day carrying out our Wiccan duties.  
  
But I couldn't sleep. The demon's words were still going through my mind. 'He hates you.' I wanted to believe Paige, but I knew there was something Chris was hiding from me. What would I do if I found out he did hate me? I would probably try to understand why first, and see if I could fix it. But what if I couldn't?  
  
And that's all I kept thinking about for 2 days. I was waiting for Chris to show up. I wanted to ask him about it. I wanted to hear from him if I had hurt him. Finally, on Tuesday, he came back. I wasted no time in getting him to talk to me.  
  
"Chris, I need to ask you a very serious question, and you need to promise me you'll tell it to me straight up. No holding back. Okay?" He nodded. "Chris, did I do something in the future to make you hate me?"  
  
He looked at me like I was crazy. "Hell no, you were a great mom. Whenever I needed you, you were there for me. Why are you asking me this?"  
  
"Well, Chris, you flinch whenever I touch you, you hardly talk to me, and you won't tell me what's bothering you. What am I supposed to think?"  
  
He sighed. At that moment he looked so old and tired. Probably skipping meals and not sleeping enough still. "Listen, I'm sorry that you ever thought that. I really can't tell you anything. Future consequences, you know. But I can tell you this: you were always the best mom in the world. For me and Wyatt. And don't ever think that you weren't, or will be. Okay?" Then he gave me one of his cocky smiles and orbed out leaving me feeling better than I had in days.  
  
So, my son doesn't hate me. But he's still hiding something from me. I can't just let it go without a fight. I've got to think up more ways of getting him to talk. I think I'll get Paige and Phoebe to talk to him. Maybe his aunts will be able to worm it out of him. I just have to know why he's still avoiding eye contact with me. 


	10. Entry 9

Dear Diary,  
  
Phoebe and Paige put their plan to get Chris talking into action today. They started by calling him. He came, and right away they whisked him out of the house to go shopping, making jokes that he could hold their purses on their way out. I heard and watched this happen from the stairs. They came home a few hours later, laughing and goofing around (I had to restrain myself from yelling at them to get down to business). They went into the kitchen to make dinner. This is what I heard once I sneaked into the basement.  
  
"So, where's M- I mean, Piper?"  
  
"Out. Paige, hand me the salt. Um, so Chris, how come you've been calling Piper by her first name and not calling her, oh, I don't know, Mom?" Subtle. Real subtle.  
  
Chris nearly dropped the casserole. "I don't know. Paige, how's the cake mix?" Boy, that topic made him nervous.  
  
"It's fine. I'd like to hear your answer to that too."  
  
I could sense the discomfort in Chris' voice. "I can't tell you that. It doesn't matter, anyway."  
  
"Like hell it doesn't Chris. I can tell there's something bothering you even without my empath powers. And we'd really like to know what's going on with our nephew." After he didn't say anything, she added, "Piper's worried too."  
  
At this point, I opened the door a crack to get a peek at what was going on. Chris looked like defeated. Broken, even. But almost right away, he was his usual, attitudinal self. "Just drop it, ok? There's nothing to say and I wish you all would stop conspiring to get me to talk!" Then he orbed out. Paige and Phoebe just stood there for second. I came out of my hiding place.  
  
"Well, that went well." Paige, trying to lighten the mood, as usual.  
  
Phoebe looked over at me. "Piper, maybe we should just give up. I know you're worried about Chris, but he's right. We shouldn't try to make him talk. Whatever it is, I'm sure he has a good reason for not wanting to tell us."  
  
"That's not good enough for me. He's my son, and I am not going to just stand by and watch him destroy himself. I'm going to find out what's bothering him, one way or another. I'm his mother, I have a right to know why he's suddenly stopped eating and sleeping, and why he's acting so hostile towards me." Neither of them said anything to that, so I said, "I'm going to bed" and went upstairs.  
  
When I got to my room, I immediately started writing in my diary so I could get the conversation down before I forgot it. Also, I need to come up with another way to get Chris talking. I haven't been able to get through, and Phoebe and Paige blew it. Maybe Chris needs a man to talk to. I could get Darryl to talk to him. No, Darryl's pretty clueless about this whole thing. Besides, he's on vacation with Sheila and the kids. Leo's out of the question. Chris probably wouldn't talk to him even if he knew about all this. For some strange reason, I think Chris hates Leo. That's another thing I need to figure out. I don't think Richard could do anything either, he and Chris haven't ever really talked. So, who else is there?  
  
Well, I guess we all know where this is going to lead. Oh and Piper is halfway through her 4th month of pregnancy, just so you know. Wow! I can't believe I went a whole day without updating! Sorry, I know I am totally mean! But I'll try to bounce back into the cycle. Until next time, laters! 


	11. Entry 10

Dear Diary,  
  
I finally came up with someone who could talk to Chris: my dad. I can't believe it took a week to figure that out. Then, it took another couple of months to get up the nerve to call him. Even then, I didn't tell him everything. Well, more like I didn't tell him anything. I figured it'd be easier to explain in person.  
  
When he got here, he began by pointing out the obvious: I was pregnant. After a few questions concerning mine and Leo's relationship, or rather lack thereof, he started talking to my stomach. And not in the cutesy way Phoebe does it, more in a sort of clinically insane way. He was almost unbelievable; when Chris called from the other room, he was all, "He can come out?!" Duh! I thought by then he would've figured it out. Especially since the voice he heard most definitely did not come from my stomach.  
  
When Chris came in the room and saw his grandpa, he did the last thing I expected: he went up and hugged him! He seemed really happy to see him. We sat at the table for a while, talking. Chris even said Dad was 'awesome'. I asked Chris about the 'event' he always mentions but never talks about. As usual, I got absolutely nowhere.  
  
A few minutes after that, I heard Phoebe call for me. Paige shoved her up the stairs and told us that bitch Paula called Phoebe "Freebie" at her high school reunion and Phoebe flashed into her teenage self. We checked in the book while Dad and Chris had some bonding time. I'm guessing that's when Chris told him about the 'event'.  
  
Meanwhile, I was reading up on scabbar demons and Paige was scrying for Phoebe. Apparently, "Freebie" wanted a night on the town. She turned her old classmates back into their senior-selves and stole a friggin' cop car! Needless to say I was ready to kill her. It was about that time Chris and Dad orbed in. Dad wasn't used to orbing, so he was kind of pale and sick-looking for bit. We told them about Phoebe, I had a dizzy spell, scabbar demons attacked Chris. You get the picture.  
  
Anyway, Chris was confined to the attic after we set the crystals up. We got into an argument which led to me finally finding out about the 'event' that ultimately turned my son evil: I'm going to die.  
  
I'm not sure when. I know it's a while after Chris is born at least, the way he knows me so well.  
  
Damn it! I knew it had to be something like this. But it just pisses me off that I obviously don't live to see my sons grow up. It kills me to know that I leave them like my mom left me.  
  
No wonder Chris has been so distant. He's had to see and talk to me for months, knowing and remembering that I died. It's just not fair.  
  
It's not fair for any of us. We save innocents all the time. And for what? Just so we can die and leave our loved ones behind to mourn us. I should just bind Wyatt and Chris' powers right now. For good. If I can't save my sisters, I can at least save my sons.  
  
But then demons would still attack us, only then my children would be defenseless. And God knows our powers aren't going anywhere.  
  
Well, it looks like I really have inherited the Halliwell stubbornness. Because there is no chance in hell that I'm going to sit and wait for the damn 'event' to happen. I'm going to change it, and Death can just kiss my ass.  
  
Yeah. Had to vent a little. I think I can keep going with what happened now.  
  
So, we summoned Phoebe, not "Freebie", but she told us innocents were in trouble. We came up with a plan, sent Phoebe back, and waited for her in the attic. She fooled Rick, a member of her old gang and felon to the stars, into coming to the Manor and changed him to look like Chris. The scabbar demons came and killed him. We saved Todd Marks and Ramona Shaw while getting the demons off Chris' tail. It was the ultimate kill-two- birds-with-one-stone situation.  
  
Everyone was changed back, with no memory of the little incident (although I would've loved to see Paula's face every time she saw Phoebes: being turned into a Scottish Terrier would probably have made her think twice about being such a bitch when she's around). Paige teased her mercilessly for a while, but being around us long enough teaches you when to lay off. Dad left, saying comforting words to me. I didn't know if I believed him, but I didn't say anything.  
  
I walked into the Conservatory and saw Chris playing with Wyatt. I smiled. Then I felt mini-Chris kick and I smiled again as some of Dad's words replayed in my head: "You got a great kid growing inside you. Spend time with him while you can. Talk to him." I realized then that no matter what happens in the future, I have this time to be with Chris. And I won't waste a minute of it. 


	12. Entry 11

Dear Diary,

OH MY GOD, I LOVE MY SISTERS! All this business with Chris had me so horribly stressed. Paige and Phoebe realized this, and made it their mission to get that kid to hang out with me for a while. Guess what they did? They snuck into Chris's room last night, stole his demons-to-kill list, and spent the night killing them, so today when they suggested we all have a picnic, Chris had no excuse to get out of it! Genius! Why didn't I think of it? Dang, 1 point for sisters, 0 for emotional pregnant lady.

Oh well. At least I managed to find a babysitter for Wyatt. Darryl and Sheila were busy, so after careful consideration… we took him to Dad's house. He was happy to have him and said we should enjoy ourselves. Paige insisted on keeping the picnic spot a secret. She made the perfect choice.

Oh, it was beautiful. Paige orbed us to this amazing hilltop in Hong Kong. We pigged out (well, mostly I did), Phoebe, Chris, and Paige climbed this huge tree while I took pictures, Chris orbed into the village below and bought me a bonsai tree, and then we watched the sunset while we talked about normal stuff. It was the best day of my life. Seeing Chris as happy as he was today made all the bad things somehow less bad. None of us worried about anything, which was such a relief.

But nothing, especially happiness, lasts forever. We had a visitor when we got home. Someone who I had hoped not to see for a LONG time.

"Leo!"

He turned around at the sound of my voice. He was smiling, until he saw my stomach. "Hi. Congratulations."

I was like, huh? He's your kid too, buddy. "Wait, you think… Oh, that's very funny."

"It is?" He looked really hurt.

I stopped snickering. "Uh, no, no it's not. Listen, Leo, this isn't what you think."

"It's okay, Piper. I understand you've moved on." He glanced at my stomach. "You moved on pretty fast."

"No, ah, no I haven't. Uh, Leo, you remember about six months ago, in the Ghost Zone?"

"Yeah."

"Ha, well, um, surprise." I grabbed Chris's arm and pulled him so he was next to me. "It's a boy."

Leo's jaw dropped. "Oh my God."

Chris scowled at him. "Yeah, surprise. Another son for you to abandon. Can I go now?" He looked at me.

"No, I think you need to talk to your father, Chris."

"Don't call him that." He pulled his arm out of my grasp. "It's not like he ever attempted to play the part."

Leo looked extremely confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." He started to walk away. I grabbed his arm again.

"Liar. We all want the truth, Chris."

"Fine, you want to know why I hate him? I don't even know him. Every birthday, he'd promise to come and I'd get a letter instead. When I was a kid, I always used my birthday wish to bring him home. It didn't matter what I did. I got on the honor roll. My mother and aunts were so proud. But my father couldn't even be bothered to show up at the award ceremony." He shook me off and took a few steps away from the group. "I was really excited about my 14th birthday party though. It was going to be at P3, just a family and close friends event. Everyone showed up. Save one person." He faced us again and glared at Leo with such anger and hate it scared me. "You have no idea what a difference it would have made if you could have been there just that one time." He went to Leo and grabbed his robes, looking right into his eyes. Leo didn't fight him. "If you could have been a father to me that one night, she would still be there!" He shoved Leo roughly so he fell onto his back. Chris jumped on him and started punching the crap out of him.

"Chris! Stop it!" Phoebe and Paige pulled him off. But I had lost the ability to move. I was absolutely shocked. I understood what Chris was saying and realized that the two worst moments of his life happened on his birthday. I was horrified. He'd lost his mother to death and his brother to evil on his 14th birthday. No wonder he never wanted to talk about it. And he blames Leo for not being there to heal me. It was all too much to take. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I sobbed uncontrollably. Paige and Phoebe tried to comfort me, but I pushed them away.

"Don't."

"Piper, honey, are you-"

"Would you be?" My eyes went back to Chris. He was in a similar state, but not sobbing. Yet. "I'm so sorry, I can't believe this. This- none of this is fair."

"Nobody ever said life would be." He wiped the tears from his eyes, and when he returned my gaze I saw his eyes go back to the cold and unfeeling way they always seemed. I couldn't take him being that way anymore. It was all too much to take. My head started to hurt, and the room was spinning…

"Mom!"

"Piper!"

"Chris, catch her!"

Everything went black.

I woke up to the gentle ticking of the grandfather clock. I was downstairs on the couch. I turned to get up, but Chris was there, sitting in a chair, watching me.

"Hey." He seemed all right. No more coldness toward me.

"Hi."

"I did."

"What?"

"I talked to Leo. I'm still not comfortable calling him Dad," he explained, seeing the look on my face, "but we're both going to try to get along. For your sake."

"Nice to see my fainting spells are good for something."

He smiled, then frowned. "About that: I'm sorry. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to tell you, I was afraid it'd be too much."

"Well, at least you got that off your chest. You really shouldn't bottle up your anger like that, though, next time you might let loose on someone who really deserves it."

He sighed. "I know, I know. I apologized. But," he added, grinning, "it felt great!"

I groaned, and said, "Is this how you're going to be for the rest of your life?"

He let his smile fade slowly. "Not if I change what I came here to change." He gently took my hand in his, and we smiled at each other.

Later on, Leo, Chris, and I sat down and talked it all out. Leo promises to be there for all of Chris's birthdays, even if he has to give up being an Elder. Chris promises to understand if he can't be there for everything and to talk to us more often about his feelings. I promise to do my best to be there for all of my guys, and to fight Death myself if needed. They laughed at the dark humor, then we ordered out for Chinese, and hung out, like a normal family. I'm telling you, today was a Hallmark kind of day. Everything turned out perfectly in the end. Except for the mystery of who turns Wyatt evil. But that's a worry for tomorrow. Today was a great day for everyone. I haven't felt this happy and at peace for a long time. I know it won't last, but for now, I want to just be the family we were today. I'll make it last as long as I can. I don't want to miss out on any of the possibilities for us during this peaceful time, so I'll end this entry here. I have four living diaries waiting for me downstairs. Blessed be.

Hey guys, I am so so so so so sorry it took me so long to update, but now that it's summer again, I have a lot more free time. Hope you enjoyed this new entry, thought I'd give them all some peace for a while. But what will happen next time? Come back to find out!


	13. PLEASE READ

I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in a while, but I recently had a lot of horrible things happen in my family, and several of my floppies got unformatted by a magnet. Not only does this set me back quite a bit, but it is a crushing blow to me. I've cried my eyes out over smaller losses than this. There are many stories and things I will never get back. So I ask all of you to please have patience, as I work through this loss and start anew on the next chapter.


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